please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
whose ass print is on the piano?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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