I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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