remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
pray to the hookup gods
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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