dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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