Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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