Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
