I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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