note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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