I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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