Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize