Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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