My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
