just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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