he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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