sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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