Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
