I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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