my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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