Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
