billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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