if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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