As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
