you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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