her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
