I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
