where am i from again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
