found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
