Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
