sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
