we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My bed smells like the plague
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
