i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
