My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Come on in and take your pants off
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