life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
