I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize