I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
