Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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