State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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