You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need a burrito and a hug.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
