it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
