I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
