you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
