have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
