it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
