If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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