the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
