I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize