my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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