I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
