DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize