apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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