i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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