I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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