Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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