You're my little dorito
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
