So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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