his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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