I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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