weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
