i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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